Transgender people have a wide variety of experiences in their own bodies. However, one issue commonly experienced by many trans individuals is gender dysphoria. It can result in discomfort, bringing about a range of distressing, negative emotions. This guide is intended to assist you in understanding what it is, how it affects your transgender spouse and how you can help.

What Is Gender Dysphoria?

Some definitions of gender dysphoria emphasize a contradiction between “biological” or “physical” gender and “identity” gender. With new evidence suggesting that the practice of determining gender by either genitalia or chromosomes is flawed, these interpretations may not be accurate. A January 2016 article in Scientific American reported on recent studies in which transgender subjects exhibited brain structures matching their declared gender. Unfortunately, studies about people who do not fit the gender binary are severely lacking, and further information on the subject remains to be revealed. A more precise definition of gender dysphoria may be the distress and conflict one experiences when true gender does not match what was assigned at birth.

Gender dysphoria can cause irritability, anger, doubt, worry, fear, sadness and depression. Your transgender spouse may experience negative feelings and perceptions about his or her appearance and body. In addition there is the possibility of social anxiety resulting from being misgendered. Sometimes, a sense of “wrongness” is triggered by current anatomical features—for instance, a transgender man feeling that his breasts are out of place. Additionally, dysphoria might be caused by others judging a person who does not fit their own culturally defined gender characteristics. For example, a trans woman may feel anger and anxiety due to someone insisting she is male because of her physical appearance or voice.

How Can I Help?

Gender dysphoria can cause a great deal of emotional pain for your spouse. Thankfully, there are actions you can take that may help. Everyday Feminism published a useful guide that included some affirming, supportive actions that may help your partner:

• Ensure that your response is compassionate and validating.

Replies such as “I’m sorry this is happening” or “that sounds awful” convey that you recognize his or her distress as real and important.

• Ask how you can help.

It’s vital to find out what kind of assistance your trans spouse needs when he or she experiences dysphoria. Talking about feelings may help some, but others may find it agonizing. Active problem-solving may work. For instance, getting information or funding to begin hormone therapy or gender-affirming surgery.

• Suggest a fun, distracting activity.

Maybe this is the time to binge-watch Doctor Who together with a bowl of snacks. Order some takeout and declare that it’s game night. Whatever you suggest, try to avoid activities that could be triggering (for instance, swimming or clothes shopping).

• Give a care package.

Pack it with things you know your loved one likes—favorite foods, coloring books, small toys or other items.

• Encourage your partner to seek help.

This is critical if he or she is engaging in unhealthy coping behaviors. A counselor or support group could be needed, or if suicidal thought is present, contact the Trans Lifeline Hotline at (877) 565-8860. Only contact Emergency Services if there is an IMMEDIATE threat to their well being. Present events indicate police, etc. lack adequate training to assist transgender individuals.

You care deeply about your partner, but you may not have known how to support him or her through gender dysphoria. It arises from feelings of conflict between his or her true gender and assigned gender. Understanding this, as well as offering loving and affirming support, are vital to helping your mate cope. He or she could face a difficult journey ahead, but your love and support make a world of difference.